Andrew and I are not in shape. At all. Despite years of fantasizing about being in shape and feeling good about myself, I’ve never adopted the corresponding lifestyle, as all of my efforts have fluctuated between extremes; no exercise to way too much. I’m a match – a quick flare of excitement that blazes and dies as fast as it ignites. I was thinking just the other day as I caught myself looking jealously at some other twenty-something woman who was thinner than I, that I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I’m in my TWENTIES for cryin’ out loud – I should feel wonderful! I should feel on top of my game – so why am I not?
Admittedly, I submit to the farce that if you’ve had a baby, you just gain permanent weight. Oh well. Get used to your new, flabby figure. I make excuses for myself, such as this one, that mentally trap me in a cyclical rut. I can’t be healthier because of x, y, or z. Wah wah wah… and here I am, almost 4 months postpartum and though my body is better, my mind isn’t.
NO LONGER :)
At least I hope. I don’t want to go to extremes again and start working out like a crazy person; and I’m not in the position to take things “one day at a time.” I need to take them one decision at a time; and it’s working. I’m not sure how, but within the last 10 days, I’ve lost 4 lbs. I’ve seen the figure on the scale decrease little by little; and each time I’ve been tempted to eat something sugary or very clearly bad for me, I’ve imagined the number decreasing by just 1. I’m now officially 5 lbs. lighter than my pre-pregnancy weight and it is amazingly motivating. “One more pound,” I tell myself. The temptation to sweetness doesn’t instantly disappear, but it certainly fades, making it easier to deny.
Additionally, I’ve been occupying myself with home improvements. We just bought a house and have been unpacking, organizing, moving furniture around to optimal arrangements, etc. I have a lot less time to pay attention to my tendency to peck at the fridge if I’m sorting through stuff for Goodwill.
So here’s to making my life better, not for myself only, however. When I’m more confident, I’m happier and it spreads to Andrew and improves our marriage. I’m sure it will overflow to Liam as well. More water, less junk. More exercise, less sitting.
God, order the beginning, direct the progress, and perfect the achievement of my work!
